I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
NoShamevember. You game?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
