How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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