I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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