New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
