real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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