And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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