Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
