i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
