now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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