I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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