My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i drank out of a bidet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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