She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
