Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
