the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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