omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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