There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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