I am midnight drunk by noon
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
