sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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