I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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