I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
