dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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