well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
