get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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