I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
