You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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