My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
