tell your sister to shave her snatch
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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