Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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