I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
