he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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