it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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