North Korea, Best Korea!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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