I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
