Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
