I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
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If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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