clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
