see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
