Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
