my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need water and some morals
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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