There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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