Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
