Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
