at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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