I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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