Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
