Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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