I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
