The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
