Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
