respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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