why didn't you poke me back
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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