As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
one might say we're banned from that church
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
