The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
