How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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