Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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