i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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