is your mom at the bar?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
