Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
