I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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