Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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