We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
