Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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